end of the year
Saturday, December 31, 2005
and so yet another year passes
2005 comes to an end and in comes 2006
honestly i wont keep my hopes up too high
the higher ur hopes, the bigger ur dissapointment when they dont come true
2005 is the second year running where things havent been smooth sailing following the events in 2004 .
shit happens thats life
u just got to clear away the junk
school life throughout 05 wasnt enjoyable at all
seriously i thought i would have left the school by the end of 2004
day by day passed
the concecpt of having fun sort of vanished from my mind
i was more like a mindless zombie
not fun to be with
no jokes to crack
no frens to chill with
no stuff to keep u sane
yet somehow managed to keep the appearance
of the anti social kid whose content to be on sidelines
the truth is ...... i didnt want to
the truth is i was crying out loud in my deepest sub consciousness
how much more of this mental tortore would i continue to inflict on myself
before my mind gives in
i guess i have to admit even up to now
i refuse to come to terms with certain events that have happened in 2004 in particular
and here i am trying to convince myself that 2006 would be a better year
i practically blew away my last 2 years of schooling
i wasnt close to my classmates
i couldnt get close to them
no maybe i didnt make the effort to
maybe i was resentful to some of them for what they had done to me earlier in 04
i try to put things behind me......
yet it creeps up again
come to think of it
isnt it sad that if in the entire year u only speak to some of ur classmates for less than 50 sentences
yeah in come cases hardly even talk to each other
damn wounds will heal but the scar will stay
i feel as though i cant connect well with people
that i cant talk about things in a deeper level
everything talked about is at a superficial level
i guess deep down inside
i am immensely jealous
of those who have a close circle of friends who care for u in times of need
of those who have that special someone
of those who enjoyed their school days
in summary
i am just a jealous, cynical kid who doesnt want to grow up
i regret going for pre u education in general
in my mind going an alt route might have been better
anger lingers
emotional baggage
intoxicates my mind
i can feel my brain throbbing as though it wants to burst out and go on and rampage
maybe that will make me feel better
yeah sure banging on this keyboard and flipping it around might soothe my anger
everytime i think of the past few years
nothing but unpleasant memories
memories that i would wish would vanish from my mind
i wish life would be a bed of roses
but sadly it aint
look at the world out there
the rich poor gap
natural disasters
the rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer
where is the fairness and equality
perhaps it is indeed true that the world isnt a fair place
i wish that 2006 will be a good year for everyone
as cynical as i am
i hope at least something good happens to me next year
i just want to be satisfied with what i haveand stop complaining so muchand stop being so revengefuland find that special someonesianz i find it hard to believe i said thatforget it i shouldnt say much moreafter all my mind is a bit unstable nowburning with angst once again
10:34:00 PM
